Every week is just a roller coaster. There isn’t a day that does by that isn’t a little bit of a rush but then sometimes it’s just a 90 degree drop. I started this week as the lone clinic resident. The senior with that had been with me the last two weeks moved onto his procedures rotation and I had to honor of being totally alone (of course with an attending) in the mornings in the clinic. I mean, I was seeing like 3-4 patients in 3 hours which might not seem like too much but remember I can’t yet do an entire encounter alone, I have to take time to present my attending who sees the patients after me. It’s that whole learning efficiency when you’re not efficient thing.

Part of being on my own is being able to recognize patients who are actually sick. Being in clinic, its far less often that I seem anyone who is truly in need of emergent care, but this week we had a baby who was clearly failure to thrive. He lost 6 oz in 2 days. Considering 2-week-olds only weigh like 6 pounds on a bad day, this is pretty serious. And while everyone else could clearly tell this baby was not doing well, I was able to recognize it too which is a huge step. That kiddo ended up admitted with some other issues but it was nice to be part of helping someone in that way.

And while I tried to find my footing, I got to fill out an evaluation for the med student who was with me last week. I think my scared my attending when I looked at it and said “I have so much power.” All thoughts are not meant to be outside thoughts, but most of them are funny regardless. I think I was fair but gave good feedback. It was weird to do that just having been in that position but that evaluation literally gave me “terrible”, “okay” and “outstanding” options. How can I accurately assess someone when you can either be meh or AMAZING. Seems flawed. But I did it!

The week couldn’t stay up all week and I have to say, I am not a fan of asthma clinic. I think it’s because pulmonary medicine in general confuses all of my brain and asthma is just the sprinkles on a Sunday made of gravy and yogurt. In clinic at least, its usually either just fine and kids are growing out of it or they’re out of control and wheeze 5 times a week. I just can’t get into a good mindset for it, which is my own issue, but I also think it’s good to acknowledge what it is that doesn’t do it for you in medicine. Maybe one day I’ll be more into it, but as of now…not particularly.

The work week ended pretty good, hanging out with my co-interns at my (still messy) house. It was a lot of fun and I’m really glad we’re getting along well. I keep hoping this keeps up because I’m very happy in this situation. Still waiting to feel that with the seniors but seeing as I haven’t really been with them except in the afternoon (and each afternoon are different people)but we still have plenty of time I supposed.

The weekend started a little high, but my husband is having some personal issues with their family dog…and it’s been hard. He’s usually the level headed one while I’m a sad mess of medical education (aren’t we all) so to flip is is tough on both of us. Hopefully we can ride that roller coaster back up a little bit as time goes on.

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